Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize