I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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