Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
