I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
