Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
