You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
either way he was missing a nipple.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
