yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
