It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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