the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
