I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
