I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
