My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
