i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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