your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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