Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
