he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
