Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
