im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
