he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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