Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
