That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
