dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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