I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
