i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
