i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
