i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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