He disabled his match.com account in front of me
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
