Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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