it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
