i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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