I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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