I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
