Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
