dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
