No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
