So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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