There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Houston, we have a blender
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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