Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
