My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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