she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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