So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
