You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
