Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
