Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
