Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
