Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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