a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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