my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dignity is for republicans.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
