I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so let's talk penis.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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