We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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