it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
