I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
