just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
