I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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