omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
