There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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