Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
