we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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