I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
