In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
