Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
