she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize