Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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