I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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