Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
