Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
