i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
