I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize