Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
